Table Top Gaming: (game genre) a form of turn-based war tactic and strategy game usually played across a large table utilizing painting models and terrain.

Ah yes! The dipstick rule of geekdom. If they play tabletop games, they be geek. And shucks, I guess I’m guilty as charged because I love a game called Warmachine. I’m a geek for it simply due to the embarrassing amount of time, money and effort I dedicate to this game.

Warmachine, and it’s companion game Hordes, contains everything “geek” rolled into one marketable collectors dream. There be dragons, warlocks, zombies, trolls, beasts, werewolves, clockwork monsters, steampunk robots, lightening throwing techno-geeks, fire-breathing religious zealots and voodoo gators.

Each model has it’s own stat card showing how hard it can hit from how far away, and how far it can move per turn. Some have spells or abilities that aid your army to victory by destroying the other army’s leader, or by meeting criteria of a scenario. Hits and damage are determined by dice rolls to avoid overpowered armies winning all the time.

Warmachine/Hordes is easy to get into and hard to master. Around $50 will buy you everything you need to play a game, so it’s less than the cost of a new Xbox game and way more social. It’s great for making friends, and losing them just as quickly. The competitive nature of this game is so great that the rulebook addresses it directly with its “Page 5 Rules.” In a nutshell, you’re not always gonna win. Don’t be a jerk if you win. Don’t get salty if you lose. Play hard and accept the outcome.

That’s a lesson every kid should learn, especially in this modern day world of “everyone gets a trophy” nonsense. Another lesson for another day perhaps.

Class dismissed.