From mapping of human DNA to a big summer movie blockbuster dueout next month, genes have all of sudden become popular. But thesegenes have nothing to do with covering your back side.

In case you missed it, the big news earlier this week was thevirtual completion of the first rough map of the human geneticcode. With the potential for identifying gene flaws and a betterunderstanding of inherited traits, the work was hailed as one of”history’s great scientific milestones.”

OK, that’s great. But on with the movie.

“X-Men: The Movie” is based on a comic book group of superheroes who have an extra “X” chromosome in their genetic makeup,causing them to be mutants with special powers.

Wolverine, my favorite X-Man, has a mutant healing factor thatallows him to recover from any injury, like the surgery that gavehim claws and laced his bones with an unbreakable metal. Otherheroes have powers such as the ability to read minds, to firepowerful beams from their eyes or to control the weather.

In the spirit of the X-Men and other news events, I’veidentified a few genes and corresponding special powers that somepeople seem to possess.

The ACLU Gene. Becomes active any time anythingwith even a remote possibility of having discriminatoryimplications is discovered. The latest spotting was less than asplit second after the gene map announcement with somebody callingfor a law to protect people from future discrimination based ongenetic findings.

Another recent spotting was in the U.S. Supreme Court whenjudges ruled students could not lead prayers before high schoolfootball games and other events.

The O.J. Gene.

Common among Los Angeles juries. Despite DNA-relatedmillions-to-one odds to the contrary, this gene allowed jurors tofind the former football star not guilty a few years ago. The geneis likely influenced by smoke and mirrors attorneys with cleverrhyming phrases like, “If the gloves don’t fit, you mustacquit.”

The “Survivor” Gene.

Found among contestants and viewers of the latestpopular TV show. Symptoms include the inability to understand thatbeing stranded on a deserted island ain’t a day in the park or”Gilligan’s Island.”

Gene comes in two forms: A and B.

A carriers include members of People for the EthicalTreatment of Animals (PETA), who complain that TV show castawayshunted and ate rats. B carriers include one eliminated islander whodid not drink the water, got sick the first few days and ultimatelygot the boot.

The Regis Gene.

Frequently-observed trait of “Who Wants to be aMillionaire” contestants. People with this gene feel the need todrive viewers insane by explaining in detail the reasons whyanswers A, B and C are not the right answer.

And speaking of millionaires, some genes keep turning upon the ugly pennies of television history.

The Rockwell Gene.

This gene allowed millionaire Rick Rockwell, a man witha little woman trouble in his past, to get on television, getmarried to a woman he’d never seen before and have no one bring uphis history until after the TV show is aired.

The Darva Gene.

Companion to the Rockwell Gene, although the two genesmust have separate rooms on the honeymoon cruise. Named for former”Millionaire” bride Darva Conger, this gene explains how her plansto pose in “Playboy” will gain her the precious privacy she solonged for after the televised marriage fiasco.

On second thought, maybe people who go on shows like”Who Wants to Marry a Millionaire” don’t have special genes at all.Maybe they just need to get a clue.

Contact Matt Coleman at 833-6961.