“Looks like you’ve got crabgrass,” my brother-in-law said to me while visiting a couple months ago.  He was pointing to a small spot in our lawn about five feet across. “Well, it’s green so I’ll just mow it,” was my idiotic reply. I assumed it was some kind of grass variety, and since it was green I saw no reason to panic.

That same spot is now at least 500 square feet and growing — quickly. It turns out crabgrass isn’t grass at all (why call it crabgrass then? If it had been named crabweed I would have likely done something about it two months ago). As soon as I realized what was taking over my lawn, I set out to try to stop it. I have been largely unsuccessful.

Truth be told, I have been an utter failure. Since I didn’t want to kill the crabgrass and everything near it, I couldn’t use Roundup or something similar. So I turned to the trusty internet to look for remedies. If it’s online it must be accurate, right? The most common advice I found was to spray a mixture of baking soda, cinnamon and water on the crabgrass and then watch it wither. So I stole my wife’s supply of both and sprayed.

Aside from perfuming the lawn, the mixture did nothing. Then I read that I should wet the lawn then sprinkle dry baking soda on the crabgrass. So I tried that. Nothing. Then I turned to less environmentally-friendly solutions.

I purchased chemicals designed specifically to kill crabgrass, but not hurt the actual grass growing near it. I sprayed and waited. Nothing. I then read in fine print on the bottle that it may take a second treatment to kill it. So I sprayed again. And again, nothing happened. The crabgrass is still there, which means actual grass is not.

Why does this matter? It doesn’t really, except that crabgrass dies in the fall and if there’s no actual grass growing I’ll have a dirt lawn all winter. It would be inaccurate to say this crabgrass problem has bothered me — it has consumed me. I talk incessantly about how to kill the weed or why I can’t kill the weed or what other people have done to kill the weed.

I stay up late at night reading the stories of other crabgrass sufferers on internet forums. Dave in Georgia said to use MSMA, which is apparently illegal to use on lawns in most states. Larry in Florida swears by the baking soda solution. It seems no one can agree on the best way to kill it, and most home remedies work for some people and not others.

My wife has complained that the crabgrass obsession is unhealthy.

“I wish you would use that energy and passion on something that actually matters in life — like your children or your marriage,” she said.

“Nah, I’d rather kill crabgrass,” I replied. She is absolutely correct. I should focus that energy on being a better father or better husband. But I sometimes struggle to turn off the “obsessive” switch.

I can get lost in an insignificant project, and ignore the things that really matter in life. And I typically do it at the worst times. All five children can be screaming for food, but I can’t be bothered to feed them since I’m changing all the light bulbs to LEDs or fixing a squeaky cabinet door or tightening the screws on all the doorknobs in the house or cutting down that sweet gum tree we hate … you get the idea.

It’s not that I want to neglect those routine duties like feeding or bathing children, but my brain craves a project like a junkie’s craves a fix. There’s nothing better than identifying a problem, creating a plan to solve it, executing that plan and then basking in the glow of success. It’s my cocaine.

“When I need you to really focus and help with something, I’ll tell you to ‘crabgrass-it,’” my wife told me recently.

“Crabgrass-it” is now our code word for “spend all your time and energy to take care of this one problem.” For example: “I will be gone this evening, and I really need you to cook dinner and make sure the kids go to bed on time. Crabgrass-it,” my wife might say. Or: “The garage is so full of your junk that I can’t park my car in there. Crabgrass-it.”

You get the idea. But I also tell myself, in a soft whisper when no one is around: “The crabgrass is still alive. Don’t let it win. Don’t give up the fight. Crabgrass-it.”

Luke Horton is publisher of The Daily Leader. Contact him at luke.horton@dailyleader.com